So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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