We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
