You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
