I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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