I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
