legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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