I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
