Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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