We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
