I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
