But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
