I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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