I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
