Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
