Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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