I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
