Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
