Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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