but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
