I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have post one night stand depression
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
