God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
