DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
