no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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