Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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