maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
