I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
