I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
