What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
