i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
