My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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