but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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