It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
