Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
