my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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