Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
