i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
