Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
