dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to have your abortion
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
