when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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