I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
