apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
