There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
