RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
