And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
