I wanna bring you to show and tell
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
