what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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