Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
