Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
