we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
