i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wish there were birth control emojis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
