So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
