You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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