he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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