the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
