wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
