it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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